#22 - for noam

(Through the Water by Noam Gagnon, Photo Chris Randle)

When I was 26 years old, I commissioned Noam Gagnon to create a solo on myself.  I was at the point in my career where I was looking to challenge myself to do something new and to see myself dance in a way that I had not previously considered I could.  I was awe struck by Noam's ability as a performer to say so much with just one simple gesture or movement of the arm.  His ability to fill a room with his presence and to leave the audience deeply impacted led me to ask him if he would consider working with me.

I will never forget that fall day in 2010 when we met to discuss the possibility of working together.  Noam asked me a series of questions that terrified me and at the same time blew my world wide open. He asked me, "How do you feel when you perform?" to which I answered "Strong, I think."  But on the inside I was trying to recall how I felt and felt like a fraud for not having ever inquired within myself, how I felt when I was onstage.  I mean, I had always thought of how I felt before I danced and how I felt after, but I had never once considered how I actually felt in the moment of performing and all I could recall in that meeting with him was that I physically felt strong in my body.  

(A friend later reminded me that I had only never considered that question because no one had ever asked me, and that I was not a fraud.  And now that I had had the experience of being asked, I could pass that experience onto someone else.  What a great way to look at feeling like you didn't know something you thought you should!)

(My feet after one week in the studio with Noam)

In our meeting together I went on to explain that I felt known for being a technically strong and physically dynamic dancer but that wasn't all that I wanted to be known for, I wanted to be able to connect to audiences with one simple gesture and to not have to feel like I needed to be busy and dynamic all the time in order to be captivating. 

And so that is where our work together began, exploring the absolute opposite of strength: vulnerability.

What ensued over our first 3 weeks in December was life changing.  Noam taught me to be present in absolutely every moment, to take the audience with me on a journey, to dig down into the deepest parts of my soul, further than I even knew I could go and to create a world that the audience was invited into.  Noam is a creative genius.  He taught me to perform from our second day together, performance was not something you added later, it is alive in you and was alive in me from our second day in the studio together.  Noam pushed and taught me to push myself farther than the limits of my mind said I could go, and its true, our only limitation is our mind.  We set out to make a 10 minute piece and by the end I had a uniquely tailored hair flailing stunning 17 minute solo that even I could hardly comprehend how I got through.  

In fact that was the whole point, there was no way to look at the end of the piece and think of how I was going to get through it.  That was simply not the point.  It was a journey, a world that was created around me that I traveled "Through the Waters" to experience.

Dance has literally never been the same since working with Noam.  I do not look at movement the same way anymore.  I see completely different possibilities and connections in movement and most importantly he taught me to never leave the work.  He was so on me about when I was present and when I was not.  Sometimes I'd have to repeat a movement ten times til I really dug down deep and found my presence in, under and between every single moment.  The experience was riveting!

Noam filled the room with generosity, wisdom and the space to let me explore my artistry.  It is a time I will never forget and am eternally grateful for.  Thank you Noam for seeing me for all that I could be and all that I am, and for capturing that so eloquently for audiences.  

(Photo by Yvonne Chew)